After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?
EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
Credit goes to the original owner of this gem
Hilarious 😂 Belly laughing all the way through it! Thank you!
It’s about time the supermarket had a big target painted on it, with aisles and aisles of pure junk food, one huge aisle dedicated to sugar water, another to white flour biscuits, a fruit and veg area where things have come from months in the coolroom or are hideously gene modified, we need to include the supermarkets in THE GREAT WALKOUT Go to your local farmer’s market and providore instead of killing yourself with processed food, you are walking into their medical-industrial trap and you won’t get out until you have been asset-stripped
we need to laugh more often – brilliant
🤣😂🤣
a brilliant comedy piece. One key ingredient in preserving my marriage to 51 years has been my noble patience in sometimes accompanying my wife on shopping expeditions and NOT saying things like “hurry up” or “that is the THIRD time you have tried that dress on – make up your mind”. And the classic one is when my wife has been shopping alone and comes home triumphantly saying, “it was on special at half price, so I bought two” – nobly I commend her, instead of saying, “woman, we did not need ONE, and now you have cluttered the house with TWO”.
GOOD SMILE WORTHY HUMOUR.
very funny!
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