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Peter Beattie’s gender bender games

The Commonwealth Games to be held on the Gold Coast in April will be known as the gender bender games after Games Chairman Peter Beattie instructed the 15,000 volunteer helpers not to refer to spectators as Mr or Mrs; Girl or Boy; Maid or Maiden; Ladies or Gentlemen, policeman or policewoman, ad nauseam.

Saying “see you later” to a blind man or woman was simply unacceptable and could confuse the poor person, Mr Beattie said.

‘Policeman’ is just not on lest a request to a gender neutral police person be taken the wrong way.

A suspicious person was seen entering a gender neutral toilet at Peter Beattie’s gender bender Commonwealth Games by a confused gender neutral volunteer.

For example a volunteer gender neutral person reported a suspicious ‘person’ to a police ‘person’ saying the suspicious ‘person’ whose gender is unidentifiable was seen going into a ‘gender’ neutral toilet.

When the police person asked the gender neutral volunteer which gender neutral toilet the suspicious ‘person’ entered, the gender neutral volunteer became confused.

“I don’t know which toilet that suspicious person entered because on the doorway was a sign that could have been for a disabled gender neutral person but on the other hand the signs are all the same because one type of gender neutral person can enter the toilet of another gender neutral person and if either gender neutral person has fluid gender, how does it know which toilet to enter?”asked the by now disoriented gender neutral volunteer person.

The police person then called for assistance on his UHF radio requesting assistance to search the gender neutral toilets in case a confused, fluid gender person had entered the disabled, gender neutral person’s cubicle.

“ I want three gender neutral police persons to come to the gender neutral toilets to help look for a suspicious, confused possible gender neutral person in the wrong cubicle.”

Three police persons of dubious gender arrived to search the gender neutral toilets for a confused fluid gender person.

“How do we know if there is a confused fluid gender person is in the wrong toilet?” one police person asked when arriving at the gender neutral toilets.

By now the original police person had to make a decision on how to find such a confused fluid gender person but ensure it was not a genuine disabled fluid gender person.

Decisively he said: “You two police persons come with me to this side and you two police persons go to the other side and just take a guess if you see a confused fluid gender  person.

“I will lift the dresses and you pull down the pants.”