MICHAEL woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Mary," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete fool of yourself."

"You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the Chairman of the company, right to his face."

"He’s an arsehole," MICHAEL said. "I could piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him," said MICHAEL..

"I DID," said Mary. "That’s why you’re back at work on Monday."